Monsters from the Past Turn Fear into Courage

Before I say anything else--This is my first twenty dollars toward Nepal!

When my paycheck came in I had to contemplate. Did I really want to save for Nepal? Like for real? I knew I had been blogging about it for a while. But was this what I really wanted to put my meager earnings into? The answer is--yes. I'm really doing this. So, in addition to budgeting a small amount for my blog in my amazing piggy bank, I now finally have an official Nepal fund.

It's not much...But it's a start.

Earning this money has been an adventure in its own right--the job interviews I had to brave, the students I now work with, it all took some guts.

You would think that since my high school experience wasn't the greatest, it would be hard to work at a high school as an instructional assistant. Surprisingly, in that regard, it's not. I wasn't able to handle the sass that teenagers dished out when I was young, but time has given me a new perspective.


When I was in high school, the teenage attitude seemed intimidating like some kind of drooling behemoth silhouetted against furious storm clouds. But it's all ever been a shadow of a misbehaving puppy. I've realized, simply, that these are children I work with. They act out from boredom and in want of attention

In some ways, my adverse experiences in high school as an adolescent have been a springboard in situations now that require courage. You have to pick your fights in this field. I've been brave enough to fight a few. This, because I have bad memories of that behemoth--of people simply being allowed to be jerks.

These "courageous deeds" may be easy for some, but for someone who is as shy as myself they did require me to muster some courage. I've stopped students from using language that is demeaning to others, such as "fag." Complaints followed directly of my being uptight. But this doesn't make me fear for my reputation among the students (which is not exactly my main concern). The student was embarrassed for having been corrected and I don't hold it against her for dealing with it so. I hate being corrected.

Today, I had to speak up again. The teacher stepped out for a few minutes and I was briefly left alone with a room full of students, who were waiting for the bell to ring. They began gossiping about another student, from a different school, and comparing his looks to that of an animal. I could have just let the students go about their business since kids will be kids and I don't want any trouble. But I couldn't. Not knowing what I know from personal experience. This looks like simple immaturity from my adult perspective, but is actually quite monstrous and demeaning from the perspective of students in the class, who may have been picked on in a similar fashion. Also, they just had to know it was wrong.

"Hey," I said calmly, " All right you guys. I don't like the way you're talking."

"But you don't even know the person," came the reply.

I raised my eyebrows- a kind of behemoth in its own right, coming from a teacher figure- "Generally, I think it's a good idea to treat all people with respect." The class was quiet for a second.

One student turned around in his seat seemingly amused by my naivete, yet a little unsure of himself "that's not how the world is."

"It can be if you choose it to be" I said. The class didn't bother arguing.

Who knows if someone else could have handled it better. But the point is that because of my past fears, I was unafraid. I knew I needed to say something and I did. And I am grateful for the insight that life has given me--that my fear could turn into courage.


Here's to saving for Nepal!

Namaste (Bye in Napalese)